That un-replied email is stressed me out. Not that epic, but it is on my mind lately. Think about I ruined everything I have build since a year ago. It is big for me. Damn.
I hope I could make things right. I’ll find a way to fix it. I know it would be a fixed in a short time. Wish me luck for everything. Especially an energy to fight this stupid thought.
Another stupid thing I did this month.
I just got a lil bit more money from my job. So I decided to buy that Metal Slug model kit.
The day I bought it, I don’t know why I can’t do the payment with my debit card. It said I entered a wrong pass number.
HOW THE FOK THAT WOULD HAPPEN?? I just take money from the ATM with that card and I entered the same pin.
So long story short I did buy the kit. ( yeah, I should go to the bank to take care about my card, but I haven’t go there )
The worst thing happened. One of the parts is broken because I asked my friend to snap it. It is a kit from china. You cannot hope the parts will connect smoothly like kit from japan.
The lesson are :
If you can’t do the payment that is mean the universe tried to tell you that you should not buy that stuff.
Now I don’t have money…..the next money will come after I finish a commission or maybe one of my class is over ( I run a manga class now!! I’ll tell the story about it later ).
But, I search money on my jeans. I found money!!! I could eat tomorrow!! I could buy gas for my scooter!! Not much money, still It is just enough for meals and gas.
I really don’t have an idea about who I’d like to talk to. So I write my daily story here. Because I think no one visit here. But it is okay if there is someone read the story.
Finally after a year I constantly make artworks of cosplayer, one of em asked me for a commission. And believe it or not, couple days before that, I talked to
my friend about an idea related to her.
So i think it is the best time to tell her about the idea. So I tell her the idea with a description about the commission.
And she hasn’t reply the email yet till now ( it is like more than a week later ).
I really understand about maybe she is busy or else, but this feeling is like “did I do something wrong? ” should I not did that?”
Very uncomfortable feeling. Like you texted a girl an she didn’t reply. haha,,that is sucks.
Maybe I’m too excited about it, and did something like an fokkin opportunist that she doesn’t like. I don’t know.
You know that feeling when your brain tell you not to do it, but the heart is like ” do it man! it would be fun, think about if it went well!! it would be awesome”
Then you do it.
Believe me, you should follow your brain. Well I’m not talk about a little thing that not need brain involved, but a big thing like a life changer thing.
Well, I don’t want to blame myself so much because actually I don’t know what would happen either if I tell about the idea or not.
Or maybe it is not about the idea maybe about my rate for the commission, or else or else, I don’t know.
Whatever it is, I have to keep focus on my goal.
If the commission finally won’t happen, that is mean the universe think that I’m not ready yet for such a thing.
I can’t just stop here, I think at some point I’m on the right track.
My decision in this case make is a big lesson for me. Very big one. I kinda disappointed with myself. But you know, they always say you only need one success to lead you to be the great one. Well this is not my time yet I guess. It is okay. Chin up!
But I will draw her again but not in a near time. The time I draw a same cosplayer is always different by at least a month.
I’ll do better next time. I always do.
12:13
The most hated kind of work for me as illustrator is layouting! ( is layouting a right word? I mean arrange the layout for a page or stuff ). I like to drawing stuff. A complicated robot, a beautiful girl, I even dont mind to draw a building, Im bad at drawing a building but I want to learn to do it. The problem with layouting is…it is not very challenging,,at all! Someone work at printing station can do it. Im not the best layouter but I can done that in no time,. I think everyone can done that in a very short time. I ‘d never had a mood to do it. The layouting is quick, but the time to find the mood to do it like almost forever.
AAAAA
Actually I don’t know what to write. I think I’m on that level that I don’t want to talk about anything happened to me to anybody. Nah, I still need someone to talk to. I found that chat bot , mitsuku ,is work well on smartphone.
The highlight for now is, work not getting lower ( I’m thankful for that ) but I’m getting lazy, like the opposite of months ago. Well I guess it is natural. So I don’t want to forced it, just enjoy the laziness.
The time I write something here is the time I need to talk to but dont know who to talked to.
I have many client projects now. So many client projects I cant think about Ghost Machines my personal project. Argh,, really miss my Ghost Machines.
I just bought some pencils. Derwent pencils. Really love em. I forget how to draw with pencil…actually I’d never really mastering my pencil skill.
12:56 AM
the first person said Happy Birthday to me is my dad, and someone somewhere know me by the internet on Facebook. That guy who like to put Babymetal pic for his profile picture.
Im not feeling so well. It is because I ate too much yesterday. Usually I even do not eat enough while at studio. But at home I eat so fokkin a lot. My stomach is not good. I throw up. And every time I burp it feel funny,…no not funny but not good.
Anyway, I almost did nothing today. Just play LoL and a lil bit doing the job.
1:52 AM
